


The Enablers

by Shinku



Category: Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, High characters are high, Hookahs are not meant to be used this way, Pitch and Jack are awesome!, Plots, Plots while high, Pranking the Guardians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-03
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 17:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1557836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinku/pseuds/Shinku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When signs of Pitch Black had been spotted at the Pole, it had only seemed natural that the Man in the Moon would send the Guardians some form aid. But whereas in the past they had been given everything from new abilities, to knowledge, to weapons, it had been a <i>very</i> long time since the Moon had seen fit to send them a new comrade.   </p>
<p>And <i>certainly</i> not one like Jack Frost.</p>
<p>…No, <i>definitely</i> not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hookah Horses

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Piff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piff/gifts).



The Guardians stared in disbelief at the pale blue image in front of them.

Jack Frost… The Moon wanted _Jack Frost_ to be a Guardian.

…Was he _serious?_

“Manny…” North asked hesitantly. “Are you sure you want… _this_ spirit as one of the protectors of children?”

The image of the frost-child briefly pulsed brighter in affirmation before returning to its normal hue.

The Moon was sure.

“But… Jack Frost is… He’s…” Bunny tried to explain in disbelief. “ ** _You can’t be serious!_** That little larrikin is crazy! He started losing it sometime in the 1920s and then completely went round the bend in the 60’s! You lot remember ’68, don’t you?! Thought he would celebrate Easter with the rest of the kiddies out and about that day, and made his own homemade chocolate googies to hide with mine. Thought he would _share the love_ he told me later! And do you know what he did?! _Do you know what he did?!”_

“He baked marijuana into the chocolates.” Tooth stated with the air of someone that had already heard the story many times.

 ** _“HE BAKED MARIJUANA INTO THE CHOCOLATES!”_** The Pooka shrieked. “I had to send off my sentinels to oversee the egg distribution in the other parts of the world _just_ so that I could find all that little brat’s ‘gifts’ before too many of the kids found them! He hid them all over the East Coast of the US! I was scrambling for the rest of the day and half the night looking for them!”

The others cringed at the retelling of the old story, but even as they looked between the Moon and the illuminated image of Jack Frost there appeared to be no change of heart from their leader as the projection flashed again in solid point, and the moon’s light withdrew. 

The Moon wanted Jack Frost.

“Well…” Tooth began cautiously, glancing at Sandy. “That was…”

The Sandman made a swirling motion with his hand near his temple.

_It was crazy, that’s what it was._

“I’m not doing it.” Bunny stated decisively. “You lot want to follow the Moon’s lead on this one then be my guest, but I’m out of here unless you have a Plan B for dealing with Pitch."

The three remaining Guardians glanced between each other for inspiration before finally turning their focus completely to North.

Whenever they needed a last minute harebrained scheme North tended to be good for one.

“Manny’s command is very… _odd_. Perhaps it would be wise to ensure that it really _is_ Pitch that was responsible for the earlier disturbance and not a rival party playing to our expectations before we go bothering Jack Frost.” North suggested sensibly, conveniently forgetting the Moon’s earlier confirmation that it had been Pitch.

“And how do you expect we do that, mate?” Bunny asked. “Just waltz up to Pitch and ask him?”

North smiled.

-0-

“This isn’t going to get back to Pitch, you hear?” The older spirit sniped at them. “If that oversized shadow turns up at my door looking to start something with me then consider any and all other favors I owe you lot null and void, you get me?”

“Yes, yes,” North agreed quickly. “We found entrance by mysterious arcane magic, nothing to do with Samhain, we all understand.”

The Autumn Spirit eyed them seriously for several moments before nodding his head sharply. “Good. Well, in that case, I’m getting out of here before whatever it is your group’s getting involved with hits the fan. Don’t stop by any time soon, yeah?”

And without any further fanfare the four Guardians watched as the tall, lanky Seasonal Spirit slipped into shadows of the surrounding forest and disappeared from sight.

Bunny, Tooth, and Sandy stared after the older spirit in mild disbelief at what had transpired while North just sighed and shook his head.

Honestly, Seasonal Spirits!

“I can’t believe you somehow managed wiggled a favor out of Samhain.” Bunny commented in mild admiration.

North shrugged. “It was a long time ago. I was invited to his namesake’s festival. There may or may not have been drinking involved.”

The other’s eyed him sidelong before rolling their eyes.

Anyone that was stupid enough to get into a drinking competition with North earned whatever they got. The Russian was well known for regularly drinking the Norse Gods under the table during their own festivals. Samhain should have known better.

Turning their attention back to the large cave entrance before them the Guardians couldn’t help but feel a little impressed at the sight of it.

Four massive onyx and lead dragons stood watch over the access, their pale silver eyes seeming to follow the Guardians wherever they moved. These, Samhain had warned them, were the guards to the way in, and were not to be trifled with.

Pitch’s Nightmare Realm had multiple entrances and exits, some only one way, and some that disappeared after they were used, but this one, the Autumn Spirit had assured them, was one of the very few permanent ones. The only trick to using it was that you had to go in with no intent to cause harm or trouble within the realm. As you passed through it you were put under a passive geas to ensure you kept to your initial intent. If you did, nothing would happen, and once you passed back the way you came the curse would be lifted. However, if you did not, the guardians that stood watch at the entrance would awaken and you would either be removed forcefully from the realm, or they would take measures to ensure you would not be causing problems again.

In no way, they had noticed, did the geas ensure that Pitch could not do anything to _them_.

Standard procedure for the older spirit as they saw it, the Nightmare King had a certain fondness for stacking the odds in his favor whenever possible.

“Have I mentioned that I still think this is a bad idea?” Bunny commented as he eyed the massive stone guardians suspiciously.

North sighed. “Many times, Bunny, but we are still going in. Feel free to wait out here with the big enchanted dragons if it will make you feel safer.”

The Pooka shot the old Toymaker a sour look at the dig but didn’t say anything further on the matter.

And so, keeping their wits about them but their weapons sheathed the four Guardians proceeded into the darkness to confront the Boogeyman.

They never saw the pale blue eyes watching them in amusement.

-0-

 

When North, Bunny, Tooth, and Sandy finally found Pitch Black it wasn’t in the way they had expected to find him.

“You’re a sorry cheat, that’s what you are!” The Shade shouted at an odd black horse in front of him, a hand of cards held up by the dark and smoky “hairs” of its tail in front of its long nose, “Can’t even play a fair game of Mau without trying to a hide a card in your sand!”

The dark horse whickered something vaguely contrite sounding in return before offering the faintly smoking end of a hookah hose to the incensed spirit with a thin tendril of sand from its mane in apology.

Pitch snorted in contempt before taking the hose. “I expect all of you to play fair from now on.” He stated, eyeing the other two horses present with a slightly off centered look. “You don’t see me cheating do you?”

The other two horses huffed something lowly between them and the Shade gave them both a dirty look. “I heard that.”

The two dark creatures shot him completely unimpressed looks in return, both utterly unrepentant for their comment.

“…Pitch?” Tooth called to the Fear Spirit warily, alerting him to their presence.

The Nightmare King and his guests briefly froze at the sound of her voice before the Boogeyman himself turned with almost agonizing slowness to stare owlishly up at the four new spirits in his home.

The Shade didn’t utter a sound as he stared up at the Guardians with a look of almost child-like hope etched about his features.

After a few moments he turned back just as slowly to the dark horses and asked them in a near stage whisper, “Am I hallucinating?”

The three equines stared up at the Guardians carefully for several moments before shaking their heads in the negative.

“Damn.” Pitch stated flatly, all hope leaving his expression.

“Hey now, we aren’t going to deal with any of that, got it?” Bunny snapped sharply at what appeared to the Pooka to be a brush off from the Fear Spirit. “We got some questions for you, and you’re going to answer them!”

The Boogeyman turned his head just enough to eye the rabbit thoughtfully out one eye as the Spring Spirit seethed. “Would I be wrong in assuming that you came in through the Dragon’s Mouth entrance in China?”      

The four Guardians flinched as one at the quick deduction and Pitch grinned gleefully.

“We mean no harm, Pitch.” North offered diplomatically. “We are only here to verify if newest trouble is related to you.”

“Trouble…?” The Boogeyman asked, taking a slow drag from the end of the hookah’s mouthpiece. “Now how exactly do you expect me to cause trouble after all the hell you gave me the last time I was doing my job, hmm?”

“You broke the treaty and went outside the parameters of your job and you know it!” Bunny accused him boldly.

The Nightmare King’s eyes flashed a fiery gold in the dim light of the Nightmare Realm, but he did not move from his half sprawled position at the foot of his throne.

For several moments the Shade said nothing. He just stared at the rabbit with a sharp, narrow eyed stare as if his very gaze could bore a hole straight through the Pooka’s skull.

However, when no immediate results seemed to be forth coming he took another calming inhale from the hookah and slowly exhaled his disappointment, lazily twisting around so as to stare at his ‘guests’ properly before stating his defense. “You’re a _bad_ bunny.”

“Excuse me?!” The Pooka hissed.

“You heard me,” Pitch continued blandly as he took in another inhale from the mouth piece and then exhaled a pointed ring of smoke. “You’re a _bad_ bunny, just a _horrible_ creature, not single _bit_ of manners.”

The rabbit’s jaw worked uselessly at the retort, not sure what to make of the strange response.

“ _Pitch_ …” North intoned warningly.

“ _North_ …” Pitch mocked back.

One of the horses nickered something dryly behind him and the Shade snickered.

“I know, right?” He abruptly giggled, flopping onto his back. “They don’t even bring a proper host gift and they expect me to just _spontaneously_ give a damn. It’s _very_ rude.”       

The Guardians shifted uneasily at the jab.

It actually _was_ considered quite rude to make demands of an old enemy without bringing some kind of item for trade for whatever you came for, especially when that enemy had caused them no trouble for as long as Pitch had.

A little golden question mark popped into existence into the air over Sandy’s head followed quickly by Pitch’s name symbol, three tiny horses, and the question mark again.

_Who’re your friends?_

“Oh… right, I probably should introduce them.” The Boogeyman sighed, handing the hookah’s hose off to the horse on his left.

The equine promptly took a long drag and blew out a thread of smoke that turned into semi-translucent dragonfly.

Pitch eyed the smoke-creation appreciatively. “Nice.”

“Black!” The rabbit snarled.

The Nightmare King winced at the volume. “Not so loud… Aren’t prey animals supposed to be quiet?”

Sandy bravely floated over to bob curiously beside Pitch, motioning again to the three horses.

The Shade made an odd little put upon whining sound in the back of his throat. “Do I have to? They’re being bad guests.”

The Sandman laughed silently at the Boogeyman as he motioned for the Fear Spirit to continue regardless.

The Nightmare King sighed gustily.

“I hate you.” He told the old Wishing Star bluntly before motioning to the equine he had just passed the hookah to. “Meet Evangeline. Lovely girl; has a wicked sense of humor and a keen eye for the macabre. The one on my right is Roselyn, a horse of many talents who has a nasty habit of kicking like a mull when she doesn’t get her way. And the cheating-cheater in the middle is Onyx. Normally she’s my little warrior princess, but today she seems to have traded in her sword and shield for the trappings of card shark.”

The card shark offered them all a sharp tooth grin, obviously pleased with her description.

The Sandman smiled and waved happily at the three horses, even as he cocked his head slightly to one side and tried to figure out just why they seemed so familiar.

“Enough of this,” Bunny cut in, “we didn’t come here to exchange pleasantries, Pitch. Are you, or are you not responsible for the disturbance at the Pole last night?” 

The Shade rolled his eyes in contempt.

“If I was responsible for doing whatever at the Pole, do you honestly think that I would be getting _baked_ today instead of forwarding my agenda?” He asked meaningfully.

Tooth, North, and Sandy glanced between each other at the obvious point while Bunny went stock still at the phrasing.

“…Baked?” The lagomorph asked. “But hookahs smoke tobacco not-”

“They do today!” Pitch cut the rabbit off delightedly. “Or, to be completely correct, a mix of tobacco, marijuana, and some sort of mystery plant that Frost got off of Coyote.”

The Pooka’s whole body went completely rigid at the name. “Frost… as in Jack-” He started only to be cut off again by a loud **_whoop!_**

“I hit the mother lode today, Pitch!” The voice of Jack Frost screamed down from upper darkness of the Nightmare Realm. “The LAPD were making a drug bust in California and prime toking weed was _everywhere!_ It was like… _Nirvana_ with assault rifles and a SWAT team!”

The Boogeyman giggled almost drunkenly at the description.

“How much did you get?” He called back. “Don’t tell me you came back with only that stinking pocket of yours full, I will so disown you if you did!”

Jack laughed freely as he swooped down on the Winds, his bearing giving away that he had already “sampled” the goods. “I had to kidnap a few of your Nightmares to do it, but I got us enough pot to set us up for _ages._ And guess what else?”

“What?” Pitch asked, placidly playing along.

“I nabbed a _ton_ of seeds!” The Winter Spirit crowed. “If we renovate one of the upper caverns a little bit and get the right lighting and dirt and stuff, we can have our own personal stock forever!”

“ _That,_ ” Pitch agreed, “would be awesome.”

“Totally,” Jack concurred.

 “Jack…?” Tooth cautiously called, reluctantly calling the younger spirit’s attention to her.

The Winter Spirit turned and smiled lazily at the feathered woman, his eyes lighting up in a way that left Tooth feeling faintly unsettled.

“Hello, Pretty Bird,” he cooed at her as if he was talking to a common pet canary, “how are you today?”

 Tooth looked mildly offended. “I’m doing okay, Jack. But since you’re here, the others and I need to talk to you about-” She tried, only to be cut off shortly by Bunny.

“No, we don’t.” He disagreed. “The trouble isn’t Pitch, so the Moon was obviously _wrong_.”

“Wrong?” Jack asked, meandering over to the Nightmare with the hookah and flopping down lazily to sprawl against her side. “What was the Giant Disco Ball of Apathy wrong over?”

The Guardians cast faintly disbelieving eyes at the younger spirit’s lack of respect.

“Manny believed that Pitch may have been responsible for an incident in the Pole last night.” North explained as tactfully as he was able.

It was completely lost on Jack.

“Oh… So… you all think he’s trying to take over the world again, yeah?” Jack summed up bluntly.

The four Guardians shifted uneasily at the frank and wholly correct summation.  

“Huh…” Jack sighed, deftly nicking the hookah’s hose from the Nightmare and taking a long indulgent drag before turning thoughtfully to Pitch and exhaling. “Were we supposed to be taking over the world this week?”

Pitch gave him a blank look before turning to look at the middle horse, Onyx. “Were we supposed to be taking over the world this week?”

The equine nickered something long and drawn out that had both Pitch and Jack nodding along thoughtfully for several moments.

“Well?” North prompted curiously.

Both Nightmare King and Winter Spirit turned to stare at the old Cossack with vaguely pensive expressions.

“She said we need more bird cages for such a thing to be possible.” Jack informed him almost ominously. “You wouldn’t happen to have any bird cages… _would you?”_

“Ah…” North hesitated, not wanting to accidently get involved in whatever convoluted plan seemed to have come from… whatever that horse was. “Not… at this… time…”

The Winter Spirit looked crestfallen. “Oh… well, that’s too bad. We all would have had a lot fun if you did.”

North smiled and nodded, but carefully made sure not say yay or nay on the subject.

Just like his elves, the big Russian had a sneaking suspicion that something just wasn’t quite right with the younger spirit.

“Well then, since Pitch isn’t the spirit we’re looking for I think we should all head on out, don’t you lot?” Bunny surprisingly encouraged the others, hoping that they could just get the heck _out_ while they still could. “No point in sticking around here when we have work to do.”

Jack turned to smile vacantly at Bunny at the sound of the Pooka’s voice. “Awww… Don’t you want to stay to share the love Bun-Bun? I’m sure you remember all the fun we had in ’68.”

The rabbit’s right eye twitch at the reminder, but by the grace of some higher deity he managed to keep his composure and gritted out, “Not this time, I’m afraid.”   

“Shame,” The younger spirit sighed flippantly, “You really need to learn how to relax more.”

North quickly grabbed the Pooka by the scruff and yanked him back when he made to leap at the smaller spirit, no doubt recalling all the extra work he’d had to endure that Easter.

As much as he was sure that Jack had earned a sound punishment for that stunt, he did not think that what Bunny had in mind would do them any favors.

And judging by the amused and vaguely plotting grin on the Boogeyman’s face, the Cossack was beginning to see the wisdom of leaving while they were all still intact.

North was just about to announce their leave when Sandy spoke up, a question mark, Pitch’s name sign, the cave mouth, a hookah, and Sandy’s name sign followed by another question mark popped over his head in rapid succession.

_Can I come and smoke with you sometime?_

The others stared.

What was Sandy doing?

Something almost genuinely pleased settled across the older spirit’s face as he observed the Sandman thoughtfully. “I didn’t take you for one to indulge vices, Sanderson.”

The Wishing Star merely shrugged as he cocked his head to one side in silent inquiry, waiting for an answer.   

Pitch smiled. “It’s fine with me, but you’ll need to ask Jack as well. It’s my hookah but it’s his blend.”

Sandy wiggled happily at the news before swiftly turning to Jack, a question mark, a snowflake, a clock, and a calendar shimmering into existence over his head.

_When are you going to be here next?_

The Winter Spirit squinted at the symbols as Sandy patiently cycled through them. “You… want to know… when I’ll next be in?”

Sandy nodded shortly, waiting.

Jack glanced at Pitch, hesitant. “Maybe when we’re done building our new garden?” He asked, and the Boogeyman nodded.

Sandy give a firm thumbs up before rejoining his original group.

“Well, now that that is settled I do think it is time to go, yes?” North suggested.

No one had any complaints.

-0-

 

“Why’d you stop me?!” Bunny yelled as soon as they were clear from the cave mouth and they felt the geas lift. “That little brat was asking for it, and you know it.”

“Did you not see the way the boy just sat with Pitch?” North pointed out severely. “No host gift, no niceties, I did not even sense the presence of the geas and I am certain he came in the same way we did.”

Bunny’s ears automatically fell at the information. “Oh.”

“Yes, oh, you impulsive rabbit!” North snapped, resisting the urge to grab his friend up again and shake him. “Chances are good that Jack does not merely come and go from the Nightmare Realm as a guest, but as a boarder.”

Bunny winced.

“So… Jack really is that close to Pitch?” Tooth asked, curious. “I mean, I noticed they were friendly, but I wasn’t sure how much we saw between them was just for show. You know how Pitch favors his games, and they seemed fine playing along with each other.”

“Yes,” The Russian agreed, “but do not think that this time was just a game.”

“Speaking of games,” Bunny spoke up again, “What was up with that last bit Sandy?”

The Sandman smiled wickedly, signing the small figure of a man followed by a box and then the little man inside the box.

_I’m going to be the inside man!_

The others quickly returned his smile as they realized what he’d done.

“That is good thinking, Sandy!” North praised. “Now we will have our own eyes and ears inside Pitch’s domain.”

The Wishing Star smiled coyly, not once letting on that he had his own reasons for inviting himself to the Boogeyman’s pot party.

Seriously, did they really think he had no other hobbies besides Dream Weaving?

Idiots.

A golden question mark, a map, and the revolving image of the Guardian’s name signs formed up over Sandy’s head, pulling the others back on topic and away from the Sandman’s dubious extracurricular activities.

_So where does that leave us with our first problem?_

North shrugged. “As of now, I do not know, but I’m sure we will stumble across something soon.”

-0-

 

“So…” Jack asked, once he was sure the Big Four were gone. “How long do you think it will take them to figure out that this whole setup was just a ruse to put them off the scent for a while?”

Pitch took a deep inhale from the hookah’s pipe before exhaling on his answer. “About as long as it takes for us to ensure that all the mini-fairies are properly stoned from the marijuana you mixed into the incense that Toothiana likes to keep about her palace.” 

The Winter Spirit smiled lazily. “I just got back from that, by the way, and you should _totally_ see them. I know it’s all second hand smoke and stuff, but the little birds really do metabolize the stuff fast.”

The Nightmare King grinned unrepentantly. “I’ll see them soon enough when I go to collect the teeth. It’s not like there’s any hurry, really. The mini fairy might be connected to their mother, but if they’re too high to realize there’s danger, they won’t try to warn her of anything.”

“So… we should totally finish off Coyote’s Special Blend, right?” Jack prompted.

Pitch snorted. “Who do you take me for? The rabbit? Of course we finish off the Blend. This was your idea, after all. If we want to do it right, we shouldn’t be sober going into it.” 

Jack shrugged and smiled, “As the King, commands.”  

“Oh, and Jack…” Pitch questioned as he passed the hookah’s hose back to his friend. “Did you actually make a stop in California?”

This time, when Jack grinned, the expression was all teeth. “What do you think?”

The Boogeyman hummed in appreciation. “I see, stupid question then.”

“Very stupid,” Jack agreed. “Now, deal me in Mr. Boogeyman. I want to show your card shark how to properly beat someone at Mau.”


	2. Vive la Revolution!

“This place kind of looks like a Victoria Secret store threw up in here.” Jack stated blandly as he idly watched one of the mini fairy hover clumsily around the Tooth Palace. “Is the Tooth Fairy colorblind or is she the secret overlord to a lingerie company, because that would totally explain the wing fetish they have going on with their models."

Pitch snickered almost giddily. “I’ve never looked at it quite like that. The place really is hideous, isn’t it?”

The Winter Spirit motioned to the vast palace around them with an amused giggle. “Dude, its _pink_ and _gold_ … like, _really_ pink and gold, and its _everywhere.”_

“Maybe it has something to do with her avian heritage.” The Shade mused thoughtfully as he turned tipsily through one of the bejeweled archways.  

Jack squinted in thought as he tried to piece together the logistics behind Pitch’s comment. “You mean like… she’s subconsciously trying to attract a mate? I thought it was the guy birds that were supposed to dress all… _girly_.”

The Boogeyman shrugged as he seemed to almost hop down the hall. That hadn’t been what he was implying at all, but since the conversation was going that direction... “I don’t believe the Sisters of Flight had any male counterparts.”

The Winter Spirit paused briefly in his slow meandering walk after the Nightmare King. “Then how did they have babies?”

Pitch paused in thought before he glanced back at the younger spirit thoughtfully. “You know… now that you bring it up, I really don’t know. Toothiana was the first half-breed born from them and her father was human, so they couldn’t have just temporarily stolen some men from one of the nearby villages for a night of sin and debauchery for the sake of reproduction.”

“Didn’t you mention once about a tooth that she used to help her make her…?” Jack paused, eyeing a passing mini-fairy dubiously. “…Tiny Clones?”

“Yes, but the original Sisters of Flight never used that tooth, they just guarded it.” The Shade explained.

“Then how…?” The teen pressed.

The Boogeyman shrugged again before resuming his walk. “I don’t know, and for the sake of what little sanity I have left, I can honestly say that I don’t _want_ to know. Unless there’s an upfront offer for a night of sin and debauchery, no strings attached. Then I might be willing to find out.”

Jack snorted as he quickly caught up with the Shade. “Debauchery _is_ always fun.”

Pitch grinned, glancing back briefly as he continued his trek. “You’re only allowed to say that after you’ve been with an experienced woman, not with that little black widow that you like to fly around with when you’re bored.”

“Hey,” The Winter Spirit scolded as he observed the tacky colored halls around him. “The Yuki Onna is not that bad, she just doesn’t like her men spending the night. I can totally get that.”

“She freezes her mortal lovers to death after she gets laid, that is not an experienced woman that is a man-hater with priorities.” The Nightmare King disagreed pointedly.  

Jack cackled at the Shade’s description as they ascended further up into the one of the spires of the castle.

“You’re hardly one to talk.” The younger spirit argued once he got himself back under control. “I don’t even need to walk in on you and the Banshee to know what you’re getting up to. She inspires better night terrors in me than you do with the way she screams your name each time she spends the night. You can’t tell me that’s not weird, Pitch.”

The Boogeyman shrugged, not the least bit disturbed by what Jack had pointed out. “I knew she was vocal going in. And no, that is not an innuendo, do not laugh.” He cut the Winter Spirit off as the brat started to giggle.

“Going in…” the sprite chortled, completely ignoring the Fear Spirit’s command.

Pitch rolled his eyes and nearly walked into a wall.   

He was beginning to regret that “celebratory” drink Jack had talked him into before they had left. It obviously wasn’t doing either of them any favors.

Reaching the top of the spire the Boogeyman carefully made his way over to the large mosaic directory on the far wall, golden eyes scanning shortly over the dead language of the Sisters of Flight as Jack came up behind him to pointedly mock the wall.

“Wow, that is just as over the top as the rest of this place.” Jack commented blandly, observing the ornate gold frame unnecessarily wrapped around the mother of pearl and lapis mosaic. “You know, I’m beginning to think we got our original diagnosis wrong. She’s not trying to lure a man to her nest. She’s just a really big magpie trying to fit as many shiny things into her Victoria’s Secret megastore as she can.” 

Pitch choked out a laugh at the very accurate description. “I dare you to say that to her face the next time you see her.”

The frost-child’s eyes lit up and honest to goodness _sparkled_ at the challenge. “I wonder if she puffs out like a bird if you irritate her enough…”

The Nightmare King laughed at the mental image.  

“So… where are my teeth in all this mess?” Jack abruptly asked in a stunning display of ADD.

The Shade blinked as his brained processed the sudden shift in topic before he abruptly resumed his original task and rapidly scanned over the mosaic again. “From what we’ve been able to put together you died sometime in the early 1700s which means you were likely born in the late 1600s so…” He pointed to a dark purple section of the spire. “If rumor is true, and all children are assigned a box at the loss of their first tooth, you should be somewhere in this section toward where we currently are.”

Jack stared at the massive unit the Shade indicated in horror. “Please tell me you can narrow it down a little further than that.”

Pitch snickered, “Nope. Not unless you can spontaneously remember the exact day you were born as a mortal.”

The Winter Spirit whimpered.

There had to be at least a solid story a block wide of just the tooth boxes in his section. How was he supposed to find his own tiny little insignificant tooth box in all that mess?

An inquiring little chirp abruptly brought him out of his thoughts, and Jack turned to see the slightly unfocused gaze of one of the palace’s mini-fairy regarding him soulfully, her bicolored eyes liquid and sad.  

The frost-child blinked in outright confusion. 

What was her problem? She hadn’t lost her teeth in a Victoria Secret megastore.

“She wants to know why you’re upset.” Pitch translated helpfully.

Jack turned to the Nightmare King in surprise. “You can understand the little feather heads?”

Pitch snorted. “I predate the rabbit by a good twelve hundred years. Of course I can understand them.”

The Winter Spirit glanced back and forth between the Boogeyman and the mini-fairy, his blitzed out little brain working in overtime to plan out the best way to use such a thing to his advantage.

“Can she understand me alright?” Jack asked, being sure to direct the question to both spirits just in case she could.

No use in getting on her bad side without good reason.  

Pitch inclined his head in confirmation as the little tooth collector chirped an affirmation and carefully nodded her head in agreement.

Jack smiled winningly at the answer, and the Nightmare King watched as the mini-fairy’s gaze turned utterly worshipful at the sight of his teeth.

Oh, this was going to be good. 

“I’m sorry about the confusion, Little Miss.” The Winter Spirit politely addressed the mini-fairy. “I’m afraid I don’t speak Tooth Fairy, but my friend does. Do you mind if he translates what you say for me?”

The little fairy looked at Jack as if he was some kind of pale, spritely, tooth god, her adoration for him plain in her eyes.

She shook her head freely in answer.

The Winter Spirit’s smile became just a little bit wider and subtly more devious at the approval before his whole expression was carefully schooled into something young and cautiously hopeful.

“That’s great, Little Miss,” He thanked her, staring imploringly into her two-toned eyes as he started to weave together some complete and total BS, “You see, my friend and I had come to the Tooth Palace today in the hopes that someone here could help me out. I’ve recently been told that all the spirits in the world, bar some of the very oldest, have had mortal lives before they became spirits and can easily recall those past lives. However, for some strange reason, I can’t seem to remember anything before being raised as a Winter Spirit. My friend here suggested that you Tooth Fairies might be able to help me. He said that the reason you lot collected the baby teeth from all the children was because they held the memories of their lives and that it’s your job to keep them safe and to return them to their owners if they need them. If that’s true, Little Miss, can you help me remember who I used to be? Can you tell me if I had a family or friends before this life?”

The little fairy’s eyes had grown large and suspiciously misty at his heartfelt plea, her sympathy for his plight painfully evident in her expression.

Pitch had to bite the inside of his cheek so as not to give the little Trickster’s ploy away by laughing.   

 _Honestly_ , the Winter Spirit had absolutely _no_ shame.

The kid made it sound as if they had just decided on a whim to try begging at the Tooth Fairies’ doorstep for help, rather than the carefully thought out quiet invasion that they were actually pulling off.

The mini fairy started chirping something that sounded vaguely consoling and largely determined.

Pitch was quick to translate her words.

“She’s offering her condolences to your situation and said that if you give her as many details as you can as to how old you are and where you could be from that she’ll get as many of her sisters together to help you find your teeth.”

Jack’s turned his wide and thankful gaze onto the little mini-fairy. “You’d do that for me, Little Miss?”

The tiny tooth collector swooned as she nodded her head in agreement.

“Oh, that’s just wonderful!” He thanked her. “When do you think you’ll have the time to do it?”

The little fairy puffed up in pride and offered him a definitive few chirps and promptly flew out of the room.

“What did she say?” Jack asked; a smug little smile on his face.

“She said she would do something right now.” Pitch informed him.

The frost-child looked far too pleased with himself… the little lay about.  

“I hope you know that this does nothing for the rest of our plan to take all of the other tooth boxes.” The Boogeyman tried to burst his bubble.

The Winter Spirit just smiled that infuriating little smile of his.

“Just wait and watch.” He stated.

-0-

It was like watching the devil at work.

It really was.

“You girls are a just amazing.” Jack praised the little tooth fairies as they rushed about searching for his teeth. “You’re all so quick and clever. I bet your mother just sings your praises all the time.”

Most of the little fairies preened at the acclaim, working all the harder to find the nice Winter Spirit’s memories.

They were altogether just so very pleased and taken with the younger spirit’s adoration of them, utterly _thrilled_ to just be appreciated and admired.

It was all a little nauseating really.

Still, some, Pitch noticed shrewdly, did not follow in the same merry vein as their sisters, rolling their eyes with dry, bitter looks or shooting each other clandestine glances of outright disbelief.

The Nightmare King had to restrain the urge to snicker at the obvious discord among Toothiana’s ranks.

The Fairy Queen, it seemed, had not being paying due course to her minions, something that Jack had already noticed and was capitalizing on, blatantly stoking the fires of their unrest.

The frost-child had the makings of an utterly _marvelous_ little rebellion in the works.

The Shade was thrilled.  

One of the little fairies abruptly zipped over to Jack, a quickly chirped question flying right over his head as he quickly glanced back at the Nightmare King.

“She wants to know if anything of what you’re wearing now is from when you were first raised as a spirit. Apparently, she’s good at pegging the era of clothing right down to the decade.”

Jack turned back to the fairy in surprise. “My pants and,” here he quickly wiggled out of his hoodie, showing off a particularly threadbare laced undershirt. “…This here.”

The little fairy eyed the clothing critically, occasionally flying around the Winter Spirit and either poking or tugging at the ancient leather and cotton thoughtfully.

After several minutes of thorough observation she swiftly flew back to her waiting sisters to relay her findings as Jack quickly replaced his hoodie.

He didn’t like being seen without the added layers, Pitch knew.

Just like him, Jack’s lack of Believers showed through into his physical form.

There was a reason they both tended to wear long, concealing clothing. If someone was watching or criticizing their clothing, then they weren’t watching how thin the body underneath it was.

For spirits like them, with so few allies, flaunting weakness tended to be a death sentence.

The fashion conscientious fairy returned three more times to ask questions and prod at Jack’s leggings before she turned up a half hour later with four of her sisters to reverently give the boy his box of baby teeth.

The Winter Spirit actually looked a little misty eyed at the sight of them in his hands, glancing over at the Boogeyman with something that was a little too honestly young and fragile for Pitch’s liking.

This whole plan hinged on Jack being able to sow chaos and misdirection when and where it was needed for them to succeed, if he decided to go soft now…

But no, he could see it in the younger spirit’s eyes. The little fairies had won his admiration, and likely a boon from him for their selflessness, but not Toothiana. There was still a distinct spark of mischief to his eyes that hadn’t been dampened by the little runts’ kindness. 

“I…” Jack swallowed thickly, his emotions still running high. “I don’t know what to say. I wasn’t actually sure you could find them in this place, it’s just so big and-”

One of the little tooth collectors abruptly dropped down into his shoulder, the effect of the spiked incense still obvious, and effectively cut him off. She stared at him with a gentle, somewhat sad smile as her little hand gently pet his cheek in reassurance.

The Nightmare King could see the very moment Jack’s vague outline of a new plan cemented into something new and nebulously frightening.

There was _Winter_ in his eyes.

“She doesn’t thank you a lot, does she?” He asked the little fairy bluntly, and Pitch had to refrain from wincing.

That was a little… forward.

The tooth collector’s smile fell, and the Shade felt the small spark of fear in her ignite into a gentle ember of insecurity as she tried to gently deny what Jack was saying.

_‘Their mother was very busy. She didn’t always have the time for… well… and it wasn’t like they needed much. They had a job, a purpose, and they were well taken care of and provided for…’_

Pitch relayed what the fairy said as quickly and as smoothly as he could between her stuttered pauses.

The room was rapidly beginning to chill the longer the little creature spoke, and the Nightmare King briefly wondered if the sudden change in temperature would affect the incense that was keeping the little bird brains pliable.

He certainly hoped not.

“You deserved to be _thanked_.” Jack cut the fairy off decisively. “You deserved to be _honored_. You deserve to be _adored_. I mean, just look at all the _work_ you and your sisters do. Does your mother even do a _fraction_ of what you do? Has she even been outside this palace in the last few centuries? Because I’ve never seen her. You girls do _everything_ and whether she does it on purpose or not, what she’s doing to all of you is _wrong_. You deserve to be _acknowledged_.”

A hush fell over the room at the Winter Spirit’s words, and Pitch silently wondered if the frost-child had pushed too far.

Then, one by one, the little fairies began to make their own thoughts known in a sudden cacophony of sound and color as their buried emotions began to surface.  

Some of the tiny spirits immediately burst out into angry, righteous chatter, their ire for their situation plain and unforgiving, while others said nothing at all, the silent tears sliding down their faces saying more than words ever could. However, it was the bulk of them quietly murmur amongst each other that made the most impact as their combined voices began to fill the room with an emotionally charged hum. 

“All of you,” Jack said, casting his voice strongly across the space, causing the little fairies to once again fall silent, “are more than just bees in a hive. You are all individuals with needs and desires. It’s time for you to take back your rights as a free people, to stand up for who you are and who you are going to be from here out. Now, who’s ready to take back their life?!”

Almost as one the little tooth collectors shot into the air, their small voices rising into a joyful, determined cheer as they began to sing and talk amongst themselves on how they would accomplish their goal, never once noticing the calculating gleam in their new “leader’s” playful eyes.

“Did you really just start a rebellion?” Pitch asked the smug looking Winter Spirit as the little fairy on his shoulder zipped off to join her sisters.

Jack only grinned.

The Nightmare King shook his head. “I do hope you know what you’re doing. This whole thing could get very out of hand very quickly if it’s not managed properly.”

The frost-child snorted. “That’s kind of the point.”

“Oh?” The Shade prompted.

“Well, yeah.” The younger spirit quipped. “I mean, when have you ever seen a Union that was managed properly?”

Pitch turned and stared at him in horror.

“What?” Jack asked, a devilish gleam to his eyes. “You didn’t really think I was just going to let Tooth off the hook because her helpers are good people, right? Sheesh, you know me better than that.”

“I had entertained the thought that you might go a bit easier on the good Queen for the sake of her helpers.” The older spirit confessed.

The Winter Spirit shook his head in amusement and continued to smile. “I’m far too opportunistic to be _that_ kind, Pitch.  Survival first, mercy second, they did me a good turn so I’ll do one for them in return to clear my debt, but if I can help the little puff balls here _and_ tie Tooth up in pointless legalities for the next few centuries in the process of doing so, why say no?”

Pitch stared in awestruck disbelief at the younger spirit before laughing fondly at the frost-child’s Machiavellian nature.

It really was like watching the devil at work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so I may have had this chapter done for the last couple weeks, and sort of forgot to post it? Yeah... I'm sorry! XD 
> 
> So, many thanks to Piff, who is wise, shares my sense of humor, and loves my crack fiction. And thank you to my readers who left me such encouraging comments. I really appreciate it!
> 
> Hey everyone, I'd like to ask a special favor of you. Piff has had a rough week and could use some kind words from everyone. So, if you can squeeze in the time, go read one of her stories and send her a nice comment or two so she can have a little joy put back into her life. I know how much it makes me smile to hear from all of you. -Shi

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of watching World's Dumbest Criminals one too many times, and then having Piff tell me that I absolutely have to post this. This is for you Piff!


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